i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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