"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
