So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home