areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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