sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
