yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
