I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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