Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
