Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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