My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
