i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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