when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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