Apparently you make a good broom.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
