So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
