I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
