So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
