3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
