A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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