i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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