I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
