I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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