That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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