I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
