have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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