So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
wow bdsm is so cute
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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