If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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