All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
