I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
