Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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