OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
