Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
