i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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