Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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