i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex