I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.