Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?