plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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