why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
