This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
