No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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