I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
