who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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