I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
