should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
