I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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