I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
