R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
