I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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