now i know why i became what i already was.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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