Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
