i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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