He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
