Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
