Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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