Christians are straight up FREAKS
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My feet surprised me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
