I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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