I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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