we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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