Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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