You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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