Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
