So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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