chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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