The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
