areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
