I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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