She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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