Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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